Before I had the experience (on lsd), I was in a really negative state of mind. I was suffering from clinical depression, and I was prescribed various antidepressants. There were many factors contributing to my depression, one major factor being an incredible, and often overwhelming, fear of death. This often resulted in quite severe panic attacks. I think this is because I had always taken a highly logical/scientific view of things. Death, for me, was a biological process... All brain activity would cease and I would stop thinking. I guess I didn't ever want to stop thinking. These thoughts occupied my mind far too much of the time, leaving daily life somewhat difficult to cope with.
The experience itself is very difficult to describe. I was having intense feelings of infinite knowledge... It was as if I had discovered the true nature of the universe. There was a great sense of unity. I knew that I had died, or at least that I was no longer human, but that brought with it some kind of ecstatic freedom. It was as if I was one with the universe, or one with God (personally, I don't differentiate between the two).
The trip did turn sour though. I think it was because it had been challenging all my previous thoughts about spirituality, and maybe as I was coming down, my rational mind was taking over again. I had some really frightening hallucinations... I heard voices shouting at me. I Sometimes I felt that the voices were punishing me. I could feel entities trying to take away my life energy. I saw visions of myself as an old man, lying dead on the floor. I looked in the mirror and saw my face as if I were a hundred years old.
I have tried to interpret this experience many times, and failed to draw any satisfactory conclusions. What it did do, was to give me a new perspective on my own spirituality. It gave me confidence that there is, or at least there might be, something out there. That something is binding us, and our universe together that defies the laws of science. Maybe not God in the biblical sense, but I suppose God is as good a word as any. It was this that prompted me to become a Quaker.
The Religious Society of Friends (Quakers), unlike many other religons, have no set laws or beliefs. Most of us are Christians, but this is by no means mandatory. In Quaker meeting, we sit for the majority of the time in silent contemplation. If someone feels moved to speak, they may do so. People say anything, from a short story, to something that happened to them on their way to work. In this way, we can help guide each other's thoughts, or we can choose not to be guided if we so desire. Afterwards most of us stay and talk. It's a great opportunity to learn from each other, and share thoughts.
My experience was the first step in helping me form my own spiritual beliefs. I became a Quaker because I wanted to share my thoughts and meditation with others, and yet my spiritual beliefs did not conform to those outlined by other religons.
(English male)
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