I have mixed feelings about the issue of speaking up. On the one hand I would love to see more people discovering what I have discovered, seeing what I have seen, knowing the world as I do with truly open eyes, touching a complete reality - the chemistry of magic; I would like very much to see a greater understanding of the recreational (and educational) use of drugs. On the other hand, as I believe that it is a valid pastime, a valid pursuit, a perfectly justified area of experimentation and study, I have become increasingly frustrated by how closed minds can be, how narrow, and most importantly how intolerant - the society that legitimizes the use of a drug that causes aggression and infantile behaviour but criminalises the use of drugs which provide insight, mind-expansion and actually renders people quite harmless indeed. Increasingly I feel that I am fighting a losing battle; if anything people are becoming more intolerant rather than less so in view of, for example, the recent appointment of that drug czar, as well as the various leaflets I've picked up on "drug education". Lack of education, lack of accurate information will lead inevitably to abuse of drugs which is definitely not what I personally advocate.
Society, however, seems incapable of drawing the distinction between drug use and drug abuse, something that completely baffles me still.
I have found myself becoming much involved with hallucinogens for the express purposes of mind expansion and spiritual exploration - I believe that LSD and the such like have a limited use in therapy, but that's a different story entirely. Having said that, increasing one's spiritual awareness, being more in touch with oneself brings its own therapeutic benefits. I am of the belief that a lot of the emptiness inside people stems from the spiritual void that has been created by our materialistic and consumerist society - this void has been so long ignored that like a physical hunger which is neglected, it becomes a soft, dull ache that recedes into the background of our minds; it gets to the point where we know something is wrong, but we can't work out what it is.
There are two ways that I look at the use of hallucinogens in the exploration of the spiritual dimension.
The first is that we have been programmed since day one to obsess ourselves with certain things, we are to do certain things, feel certain things and we are to want certain things. These things cloud and even blind us, overshadow all the other things that we are told either do not exist or are unimportant. There are many many bits of our mind which have been deactivated, put to sleep, deliberately disabled - been ignored and are sitting in their respective corners rusting away. It is easy and convenient to pretend that these parts of our mind do not exist since they have been trained not to remind us that they do. It doesn't mean they're not there, and it doesn't mean that the things we don't see are not there, it means that we're not obliged to pay attention to these things. You can't argue with years and years of evolution. And the upshot of this is that unless the mind is subject to some kind of dramatic alteration it just simply will not pay attention to these things that we don't normally see. Naturally the orthodox scientist will dismiss these things as aberrations of the mind, because generally we only see these things when we are in the middle of a very traumatic experience - like a near death experience for example. In these traumatic situations something in our minds goes snap, and takes over (some kind of emergency backup system) which overrides the normal working functionality of our minds. The things we see and experience in these situations are not "in our minds" as such, but they are there all the time, we are just usually too blind to see. Sighted people would laugh at blind people if the latter insisted that the world was all black and blurry.
In other words, we need it to open certain doors in our minds, doors which have been locked up since antiquity. In my opinion these doors should not have to remain shut, and somehow, in a way I don't understand yet, we need these chemical helpers to unlock them.
The second is that there are also things that we still cannot see and cannot do because we haven't learn how and haven't developed the right abilities. Telepathy being one, spirit travel being another. I personally believe that these things are possible, and I also believe that it may be through the use of hallucinogens that we can provoke and guide the course of evolution towards these abilities. It could be that such abilities are simply latent in our psyche, or underdeveloped; but I do know that we dream, and the fact that we dream is indicative of the fact that our minds are capable of constructing realities and indeed do so on a regular basis. All our awareness, our beliefs, our visions and our perceptions are locked up in our minds and I believe that it is time we learnt to control this ability.
Personally ... I know that there is an Awareness in the universe. There is a need to know; I have a need to know. Sometimes in my normal state I feel it, I am aware of it for brief, fleeting moments, all too few; this awareness is apart from God, it could be a dynamic collaboration between all the many separate, and individual awareness of all the conscious beings in the universe. I believe that the awareness of this awareness is deep inside my mind, deep inside my soul and I am personally intent on discovering this awareness, to communicate with it. If there are other sentient beings in the universe contributing to this awareness I want to communicate with them, to understand them, to understand me.
I don't feel obliged to justify this curiosity; I feel that it is a need like any other - this spiritual void is a vacuum just like physical hunger, and wants - needs - to be satisfied in order that I will fully know, in order that I might be fully known.
Having said that, the hallucinogens are pretty much abuse-intolerant. I have met many, many people who have dabbled with LSD in their youth, because it was *there*, having no idea whatsoever what the effects would be (or not caring), dropping a tab then going off to the pub etc. People who do that find themselves, at worst, having a look inside their inner souls when they are least expecting it (and perhaps not liking what they see) and this can in turn have detrimental effects on their mental wellbeing; or at best just getting bored with it. Not surprisingly, the drugs lose their appeal very quickly - there is no mindless enjoyment, no euphoria - it is a passport to pixieland and if you abuse the hospitality of the pixies they will expel and deport you. Tread with care, treat the pixies with the respect they deserve and they might just give you a permanent visa.
That to me seems a terrible waste; it also suggests to me that the use of hallucinogens in the search through the spiritual dimension has to come with the proper state of mind willing to accept the incoming information, the willingness to learn, the open mind, heart, soul and spirit.
I also believe that it takes time, and practice, and a degree of maturity - the art of self-acceptance. Nothing like this comes easily. I have not had many experiences but what I have learnt is that hallucinogens - unlike ecstasy - are certainly not tickets to the fast train to paradise. What I have also learnt is how we have to stop judging things as "good" or "bad", but rather assess the educational value of any spiritual experience, and to learn to appreciate the effects that it has on mental and spiritual development.
Angeline
"Welcome to my blinded beginning, programmed for perfection, designed for deflection, communicating my collective consciousness"
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